


Hide your pain

by elveataur-writes (madswritings)



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 05:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12314781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madswritings/pseuds/elveataur-writes
Summary: You are quick to fell for Jon when you end up in Castle Black and he is quick to fall for you too, but when he dies you experience pain you never imagined.





	Hide your pain

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pseud for all my old works that were written on different blogs as I moved around Tumblr in the span of about 6 years.  
> All works are not re-read or edited (and therefore are probably crap). This pseud is a storage account for old fics I have.  
> My main writing account on Tumblr is now madswritings.tumblr.com

When you came to Castle Black you never expected it to be this way. There were only men and for you, who grew up among women and being a woman yourself, it was strange and made you feel uncomfortable. Yet that wasn’t the reason why you started seeking Jon. The reason behind it was because when he visited you, well, not exactly you but your father, he was nice to you while other men tried to get a peak of a bare breast or a naked leg. Just like Sam was nice to your sister Gilly. Gilly, for your surprise, almost instantly understood what to do even if you were slightly older than her. Gilly quickly started helping out in the kitchen, with laundry and so on but of course she had to take care of her baby too so you tried to help her while trying to remain unseen as possible but quickly you came to understand that men, at least most men in Castle Black, are pigs. They always tried to corner you, always tried to catch you when you were alone, always were tossing disgusting remarks in your direction and your best effort to ignore them was already wearing out. You swore that if another man will try to get his way with you, you will slash his throat.   
With these thoughts you are kneading bread dough and silently swearing under your nose so that no one could actually understand you but you suddenly freeze when you see a blade being shown to you just above your hands in the dough. You turn and see Jon, he’s expression is serious, but you see kindness in his eyes.  
“What’s this?” You ask. It’s the first time when Jon actually acknowledges that you exist here, that you’re in Castle Black.  
“It’s a dagger. For protection. I heard men talking some nasty things. Things that shouldn’t bother men of the Night’s Watch.” Jon pushes dagger into your floured palm when you push away the dough.  
“Can… Can I really use it?” You glance at the dagger then look at Jon knowing that only occasion when you were holding something sharp was to prepare food and nothing else.  
“Just point and stab.” Jon gives you a smile and then notices a stray lock of hair on your forehead. He gently pushes it behind your ear and pats your hand which is still holding the dagger. “Be safe.” He mutters and turns, but you catch his sleeve making him stop.  
Jon turns to you with a curious look in his eyes, but you stab the dough with the dagger, step towards him and press your lips against his. Jon’s eyes widen, you felt how he flinched when your lips touched but you are not backing out. Finally you feel Jon take you by your shoulders and pull back. He looks you in the eyes; there is obvious surprise on his face.  
“Y/N what you-“  
You kiss him again and this time you finally feel Jon grasping your shoulders more firmly like he doesn’t want to let go.  
You don’t want him to let go either.  
________________________________________  
“So what’s between you and Jon Snow?” Gilly asks nonchalantly while she’s breastfeeding her baby in the room you both share. You turn your face from the window to look at her.  
“What do you mean?” You try to act innocent and Gilly looks at you.  
“I saw when you kissed him in the kitchen. And then every third day for last three weeks you spend half of the night in his room. Sam told me.” You notice funny sparks in Gilly’s eyes and how her lips are trembling because she’s trying not to smile. Blush creeps into your cheeks and you turn to the window again.  
“Sam lied.” You say trying not to sound too strict but you hear Gilly silently chuckling.  
“You know well enough that Sam wouldn’t lie about something like this. He’s just worried. He doesn’t want you to hurt Jon and all that, they are friends.” You hear her shrug because her baby yelps lazily.  
You turn to face her again and for a moment watch her hiding her breast away and kissing her child on the forehead.  
“Well…” You sigh and Gilly looks at you.  
“And I’m worried that he might hurt you. Are you sure he’s not using you because you’re, well… a woman?” Her eyes become worried and you smile to her.  
“I know he’s not using me, Gilly. Not Jon.” You say completely sure of that and Gilly nods.  
“Good.”  
________________________________________  
“I don’t think your so called brothers trust you anymore, Jon. You brought their enemy to their land.” You look at Jon while standing in his office, where previous Lord Commanders ruled the Watch and Castle Black. Jon raises his eyes to you from the letter he was reading. You brought him clean water and decided to finally voice your concerns.  
“They may not be happy but they don’t know what it is to fight the White Walkers, Y/N. Once the winter comes they will understand and will be happy that we are not alone to defend the Wall.” Jon leans in his chair and you give him a worried look which makes Jon stand up and walk around the table to face you and take your hands in his. “Stop worrying about me. They may be unhappy, but this is for ours, for theirs good.” Jon explains and you look away just to meet Ghost’s eyes who’s lying not too far from you on the floor.  
“Jon, they are men. And men who live for honor won’t stand with this.” You exhale and Jon squeezes your fingers gently but firmly.  
“You’re overthinking this.” He tries to console you with a smile and when he’s about to kiss you Olly knocks and rushes inside.  
“Lord Commander, one of the wildlings knows something about your uncle.” He says and he looks distressed.  
“Are you sure, Olly?” Jon asks wanting to be sure that the boy knows what he’s talking about and Olly nods. Jon turns to you. “Stay here with Ghost, I will be back soon.” He mutters and when Olly heads back where he came from to show the way Jon kisses you. It’s a long kiss and for some reason it feels like it’s your last one. You give Jon a smile before he heads after Olly and closes the door.  
When echo of Jon’s footsteps stops reaching your ears you turn to Ghost and kneel beside him petting his thick but soft fur.  
“I have a bad feeling.” You mutter and lay your face on Ghost’s side, listening how he breathes, how his heart beats, but suddenly he jumps on his legs and rushes to the door, starts whining.  
You stand up and walk to him.  
“What is it Ghost-“ You start to ask but extremely dark sensation pierces you and you stumble and fall on your knees. “Jon.” You whisper while grasping your chest and tears starts gathering in your eyes. No, this can’t be true. This can’t. Ghost starts pawing the door while whining but you pull him by his collar against your chest and hug him firmly. You know you can’t let him go now. It’s already too late.  
You start sobbing, letting your tears fall into Ghost’s fur while he’s still whining, but he’s not trying to escape your arms.  
Slowly you open your eyes feeling how something was ripped out of you, but you frown despite your tears running down your cheeks, despite that you can’t stop crying you feel anger, you feel rage and you push Ghost closer to you.  
“We will revenge him, Ghost. We will.” You make an oath even if you don’t know how you will do it yet.  
But you will.  
Oh yes you will.


End file.
